tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-79783832022133874652024-02-20T09:28:42.565-08:00'Chelle's Chatterbox'Chellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17816999291014413154noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7978383202213387465.post-40413239175081207512013-04-16T10:15:00.002-07:002013-04-16T10:15:30.237-07:00What My Children Have Taught Me...<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-size: large;"><strong>What My Children Have Taught Me...</strong></span></div>
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There's no need for tissues as long as there are shirt sleeves, furniture and walls nearby.</div>
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If you blow raspberries on an infants stomach and he finds it funny, he will kick you in the face.</div>
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If you blow raspberries on an infants stomach and he does not find it funny, he will kick you in the face.</div>
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If you ask your mother enough times for something while she is or isn't on the phone, you will get what you want. The glare you give is irrelevant.</div>
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Children can't smell themselves, therefore, no shower is required. Ever.</div>
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Children have no need to brush their teeth because they'll just be eating again in 30 seconds.</div>
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If you bring snacks into the house, there will be no snacks in the house.</div>
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My things are not really my things. They're something that my children allow me to use until they desire said things. Then those things are either gone or broken. Or both.</div>
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My Diet Coke is community soda. Apparently.</div>
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I should not get highly annoyed when children "dog-ear" the pages of my book, since it isn't really mine anyway.</div>
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It doesn't matter how many times I wave my arm like a mad woman while I'm on an important call. My children don't take this gesture as a sign of "Be Quiet!", they take this as their cue to talk faster and louder.</div>
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I run a restaurant, not a household. I should not be bothered by the pickiness of all my children. I should just smile and make 5 separate meals to make everyone happy.</div>
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My lap is for urinating, vomitting, drooling & pooping on.</div>
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I will die eventually and sleep all I want.</div>
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<li>I have to start getting everyone ready 3 hours prior to departure. If not, we will be late. I detest being late.</li>
<li>Anything I say isn't set in stone. My words are more of a suggestion than an actual command. "Bedtime" actually means "Do whatever". "Sit down and eat" actually means "Do whatever". </li>
<li>Cartoon Network is the only channel in existence.</li>
<li>Any and all of my shirts are actually napkins and tissues and I should not bother looking nice.</li>
<li>If my hair is in a ponytail, pigtails, a braid, or down, my son will eat it.</li>
<li>If I do not make a bottle fast enough, my son sounds like a bomb siren.</li>
<li>It's super cool when my son shits up his back and I need to cut his Onesie off of his body. This is funny and I should not be grossed out or comment on the horrific odor.</li>
<li>I do not need makeup, deodorant, or socks. These are all rentals permitted for my use by my generous daughter that can be taken back without notice.</li>
<li>If they drop something, I will pick it up as to not inconvenience my children.</li>
<li>I have time limits. I've already exceeded my allowed time typing this.</li>
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'Chellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17816999291014413154noreply@blogger.com3